Unexpected
by SuperGroverAway
Summary: The twins and their friend find out that even with lives as peculiar as theirs, they can still be surprised.


**Here's a little something from the weirder depths of my brain. Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>"...Oh, you have got to be <em>kidding<em> me." Dipper groaned.

Right now things were getting just a little too ridiculous, even for them. With the way that the cave ahead sat positioned in the looming mountainside, it honestly felt like they had wandered into a cheesy low-budget monster movie. There was no possible way that was a good sign.

Despite the reflexive coiling in his gut, he didn't have much choice. Journal Number 3 specifically said that the cure that they needed was right up ahead.

"Whoooaaa." Mabel gasped in amazement as she scratched at her swollen arm. The inflamed skin changed from an unnatural shade of lemon yellow to a psychedelic swirl of orange and green. "Dipper look! Trippy, huh?"

"C'mon we're almost there." As he lead the way, he did his best to ignore his own dreadful itch. He had already scratched it to the point where it had turned half of his right leg the exact red and black pattern of a checkerboard. The boy dearly wished that the poison ivy that grew around here could've just given them a normal rash like it did literally everywhere else on the planet that it grew. But no, that would've been far too convenient for a place the likes of Gravity Falls.

Trailing along right behind them, their friend kept stopping every now and then to claw like mad at her ankle, even though it turned the infected skin the same green and red-striped coloring as her iconic flannel shirt. Had this happened only even three months ago, Wendy would have been rushing to the hospital as fast as humanly possible. But since she had become fast friends with the twins, they had done a number on her sense of what passed for normal around here.

"So we have a plan yet, or what?" Wendy asked as they crouched behind a small stony outcrop. The teen bit her lip tightly. Not giving in to the urge to claw at her irritated skin for even a minute was torture.

"Still working on that." Dipper checked Journal Number 3 one last time to make sure that it really had to come down to this. "'Venom from the gorgons who live out to the west of town is the only known antidote to tacky ivy….' great. Of course it is."

"Why does that sound familiar?" The redhead vaguely recalled hearing the odd name in one of her English classes.

"You know, like Medusa! Snake hair!" Mabel flopped her brown locks in front of her face and hissed for effect.

"She's not the one who-"

"She's the one who turns living things to stone, yes." Dipper explained with an exasperated sigh. For anyone else, this would have been either an incredible quest of scale beyond description. For them, the ropes they were being put through just to clear up some rashes was downright annoying.

"Okay, so...all we need to do is go in, convince her to give us some fang juice, all without being turned into statues." Wendy couldn't help but crack grimly. "Easy."

"Yeah, no problem!" Mabel optimistically cheered. "So how do we do that?"

"Do what?" Someone piped up behind them. Everyone instantly detected the distinct hiss in the newcomer's tone. Their hearts collectively skipped a beat.

So much for the element of surprise.

"Cover your eyes!" Dipper barely got out his warning when he felt something leap onto his back. The boy let out a yell, which was sharply contrasted by his sister's ecstatic cry.

"OMIGOSH A PUPPY!"

Truth be told, the Yorkshire terrier wasn't exactly a puppy. The grey hairs on its muzzle was clear evidence of that. However, it still had a great deal of energy in spite of its years. It yapped and pawed at the flailing tween boy until Mabel scooped it up in her arms.

"It's like a teddy bear came to life!" She squealed while cuddling it furiously.

"Muffin, stop that!" The dog's owner shuffled up to them as fast as she could, apologizing all the while. "Oh I'm so sorry! This little rascal of mine just can't seem to control himself when he's around company. Muffin, no! Down, boy!"

"No, no, don't worry." Dipper tried to will away the scarlet blush lighting up his cheeks. "It's no problem at….huh…."

The boy rapidly trailed off. Wendy's jaw dropped as together they silently struggled to process the sight. The little old lady standing before exuded such a sweet charm that it had taken them all a few moments to realize one very peculiar detail. Her head was topped with a mass of green grey snakes, most of which napped peacefully on top of her wrinkled skull.

But other than this, plus her slightly forked tongue, she was honestly hardly anything nightmare-worthy. She wore a simple bright blue dress topped with a yellow button-up, and an enormous pair of coke-bottle spectacles perched on her smiling wrinkled face. With the exception of the snakes, she could have easily passed for anyone's grandmother. This came as such a surprise that it took several seconds more for teen and tween to register the fact that nobody had turned to stone.

Mabel meanwhile had recognized a kindred friendly spirit instantly. She grinned cheerfully before bouncing right up for one of her usual enthusiastic introductions. "Hi there, I'm Mabel!"

"Mabel! Oh, what a sweet name." The old monster-woman adoringly gushed as she took her friendly dog back. "I'm Florence. But you can all call me Flossie."

"Flossie!" The tween pat her rosy cheeks with rapture. "Oh, that's the best!"

"Well aren't you just a delight." She chuckled back. "How about you two?"

"Uh….Dipper." The dumbfounded boy answered.

"Wendy." The equally stunned teen murmured.

"Pleased to meet you. Ooohh, and what's this! Ha! Stumbled into a patch of tacky ivy, I see?" The old gorgon winked knowingly at their vibrant multicolored skin rashes. "Well no sense letting you stand around and and scratching yourselves mad. Come in, come in! I'll get that cleared up for you in just a jiffy. Lord only knows how long I kept you waiting. Sorry, Muffin and I usually like to take a walk right before lunch. Come in!"

The little monster woman ushered them into her home. She was so exceptionally disarming and friendly that they couldn't help but reflexively follow along at her sunny insistence. The cave turned out to be surprisingly cozy, if a bit oversaturated with lace doilies that covered the antique furniture. Flossie guided them to her musty sofa before shuffling off to an ancient refrigerator humming in the back.

"Have a seat. I only need a minute to throw everything together Let's see...ah, there it is. I always make sure to keep some out and at the ready." While humming a soft tune under her breath, she gingerly tapped a few droplets from a jar of bright green pre-squeezed venom into three glasses of milk. She then added a spoonful of honey into each glass, and served the lot on a small silver tray.

"This helps it go down much easier. Now if you could just grab the coasters there...thank you! All right, now you drink that right down and you'll all be feeling as right as rain."

Mabel hesitated as she toyed with the thought of keeping her arm a living modern art work. But the tween thought better of it and noisily slurped hers down in a couple gulps. Wendy took a sip and found that the intense prickle in her now blue-with purple-dotted ankle immediately abated. She quickly drank the rest, and in a matter of seconds found herself healed.

"Oh my God, that's heaven." The teen ran her hand over her freshly cleared skin with a gasp of relief.

"Bye bye, weird rash! You were nice to look at!" Mabel chirped as her arm regained its regular peach hue.

Only Dipper was left. Not because he was beset with his usual suspicion, but because he was still reeling with shock over this spectacular anticlimax. It was only when his sister elbowed him in the side did he finally take his drink and rid himself of his garish affliction.

The little old gorgon noted the pained puzzlement stamped all over the boy's face. "Is something wrong, dear?"

"No, no. I mean…" He took a moment to choose his words carefully so as not to offend the amazingly harmless creature. "Actually, nothing's wrong. At all. I'm not the only one thinking this, right?"

"You're adorable!" Mabel squeaked.

"Yeah, this is unexpected even for us." Wendy chuckled.

"See? Compared to what we usually deal with, you've been like, so nice I literally can't wrap my head around it. Also especially considering the…." Dipper paused briefly before approaching the fateful subject. "You know, uh...that whole turning living things into statues stuff you're supposed to do…"

"Ah! I see." She chuckled and shook her head. "My it's funny how things can get lost in translation, isn't it? No, we gorgons don't turn people to stone. All we do is turn stones into slightly larger stones."

"Oh….really?" His expectations had been quashed in the most pleasant way imaginable. For the first time since they had arrived, he cracked a wan smile. "That's good to know."

"Serious?" Wendy laughed.

"Oh, yes! If you take a look, all the rocks around here are about...oh, I'd say about five, ten percent bigger than they were before I moved in. Nothing much." She modestly estimated.

"You're the greatest, Flossie!" Mabel's eyes sparkled brightly. The girl was absolutely smitten with the pleasant old snake-woman hybrid.

"Thank you so much." Dipper put down his glass and nodded gratefully.

"Oh please, the pleasure is all mine." She sat back in her rocker, hefted Muffin onto her lap and kicked off both her walking shoes. "I can't tell you how nice it is to have company-"

The pleasant little gathering came to something of an abrupt end. Seconds later two tweens and a teenager were sprinting outside as fast as they could, all three yelling at the top of their lungs in horror the likes of which defied description. As they fled as fast as they good, the wizened little gorgon shuffled to the cavern entrance, beamed again and waved a warm adieu to them all.

"Thanks for dropping in! You get home safe now, okay? Bye!" She smiled at the little mop of a dog standing at her feet. "Well that was a nice, wasn't it Muffin?"

Meanwhile, the utterly terror-stricken trio ran without stopping for a few minutes before they needed to come to a stop for the sake of heaving lungs and aching legs.

"I knew it." Dipper wheezed. "I knew it was too good to be true. It always is. It always is. Why can't we….oh no."

Mabel's mood had taken a complete turn. She was already sitting down on the ground, tucked into the refuge of her sweater and rocking back and forth. As her brother dutifully comforted her, a gasping Wendy steadied herself against a nearby tree.

"I-I think…." She shook her head as if that could help rid her of the terrible image seared into her brain. "We have….a winner. Most messed up thing ever. Like….it's no contest."

"Mabel? Mabel c'mon." Dipper coaxed. His twin's bulging brown eyes peeked up over her neck. She whimpered confusedly.

"D-Dipper?"

"Yeah?" He got down on one knee and gently pat her back

"H-how can she walk when her feet nothing but mouths? I don't understand…."


End file.
